How Instagram Changed My Parenting

At my sister’s baby shower last weekend we had the guests jot down a few words of advice for the mom-to-be.  As her (slightly) older and (much) wiser sister I was excited to impart to her all the wisdom that comes with mothering four small hooligans children.  Like, “Your ‘girls’ will never be the same!”  Or, “Watch out when he pees!”  But instead I almost wrote it.  The age old advice that makes every new mom groan: “Enjoy every second, it goes by so fast!”

Mamas, you know you’ve heard it.  You’ve heard it from your mom.  You’ve heard it from your mom-in-law.  You’ve heard it from your aunts, your cousins, your neighbor, your co-worker and now some random lady in line at the grocery store.  You’re ready to punch her.  All of them!  They mean well, right?  But nothing is more infuriating to a young mother on the edge of sleep deprived insanity than to be told to “enjoy it”.

There is nothing enjoyable about being so tired that even a dumpster looks like an inviting place to take a nap.

There is nothing enjoyable about being sore from your armpits to your belly button (which is currently residing somewhere south of normal) when your milk comes in.

There is nothing enjoyable about the fact that now you pee a little every time you sneeze.

There is nothing enjoyable about wondering if baby’s fever is high enough to call the doctor at 2 am or if you should ride this out.

There is nothing enjoyable about cleaning spit-up off the floor, your neck, baby’s onsie and ohmigoodness – the dog?! – for the umpteenth time that day.  And wait, is that poop on your wedding ring?  Or mustard?

However, there is something to be embraced – and I’m not just talking about embracing the 8 pound bundle of joy.  I’m talking about embracing a change in heart.  A tilt shift.

You see, all of these women (even the woman in line at the grocery store) are looking back on the years fondly through a lens that has been softened through time.  On Instagram it’s called “Tilt Shift”.  You know, the tool where you get to select which area of the picture is sharply in focus and which parts to blur?  You can make all kinds of messy things disappear with tilt shift.

Like this!  See how cute that sleeping sweetie is?  Except, wait.  She actually destroyed her room in the process of “napping”.

I use tilt shift all the time.  I watch my unfolded laundry disappear with the swipe of my thumb and forefinger and only the milk-drunk grin of my newest addition remains in focus.  The kitchen counters stacked high with unopened mail fade away and only baby’s first scrawny-armed bath is captured.  (Seriously, how is he so small?!)

The lady in line at the grocery store is using tilt shift, too.  In her tilt shifted memory the sleepless nights, the never ending laundry, the colicy screams, the frazzled moments of uncertainty are distant and fuzzy.  They have faded into the background and only the sweet smell of newborn baby hair, soft coos, and open-mouthed kisses are sharply in focus.

So to my sister and all the other new mamas out there – you are not imagining how hard it is right now. The messy parts are real and they are trying.  They are part of your journey.  They are part of what is molding you into the mother your baby will need you to be someday. You are in the trenches and much of it is not enjoyable.  But it is embraceable.  And somehow as you come to embrace the messy parts, this journey becomes a LOT more enjoyable.

So when seasoned moms tells you to “enjoy it” just tilt shift & replace their words with “embrace it”.

These moms are encouraging you to be present. To not wish away the stage you’re in right now. To not forget that though the days are long, the years are short. They want to impress upon you the wisdom they have. And they are right.

Tilt shift, new mamas. Tilt shift.